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I don’t have any secrets and I don’t feel proud

Francisco MiravalFour years ago, when my daughter was accepted by a prestigious private university, I quickly learned to refrain myself from mentioning the name of that university, because in many cases that was the end of the conversation. I also learned to expect the same questions and reactions again and again.Four years later, at the time when my daughter graduated from that university, nothing has changed and people are still asking me what was (or is) my “secret” and how “proud” I feel. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have any secrets. I don’t know what to do for you to send your son or daughter to a prestigious college. I wish I could have a secret, because then I will share it, so it won’t be a secret anymore. In fact, nothing I did was “secret” at all. There were no secrets. We simply worked very hard to provide our children with the opportunities we thought they would need, to give them the resources they needed or wanted for their development, and to protect them from those persons (and even from themselves) at those times when they thought or assumed they will accomplish nothing in life.The “secret” was to let our children explore different options and activities (sometimes with better results than at other times). We also took both formal education (what you learn at school) and informal education (what you learn at home) seriously, but never to the point of solemnity. In other words, we did exactly what many other parents do every day for their own children: ceaselessly working to create a better future for them. I must say that I don’t know why in our case the result is different from the results many deserving families see after years and years of devoting their lives and hearts to send their children to a good university.That leads me to the second point: there is no “pride” in this, not at least in the sense of feeling “better” than others for “having something” others don’t have. I can say that I feel extremely grateful to God (or to the universe, to follow Spinoza for a moment.) Let me put it this way: I feel blessed.I believe “pride” means from a certain perspective that you assume you have actually accomplished something. In this case, I accomplished nothing. If anybody should be rightfully proud, it is my daughter, for accomplishing what she accomplished after many hours of study and work, but never neglecting her family, friends, or principles.No, I don’t feel proud. I have, however, an undeniable feeling of amazement. I feel miracles and good things do happen and could happen to anyone, even if it takes hard work to unwrap those things from their package of challenges and problems.Please don’t ask me about “secrets” or “pride.” I can only share my deep desire that many, many others, in whatever place, time, or circumstances they may be, will also receive abundant blessings.

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